Family Reunion
By William L. Hendricks
- A Wonderful Work
- Bonding and Prayers
- An Emotional Call
[William Hendricks is director of the Baptist studies program and lecturer in theology at Brite Divinity School of Texas Christian University in Fort Worth. He taught for four decades at Southwestern, Golden Gate, and Southern Baptist theological seminaries.]
How do you have a family reunion with a family you did not know you had, and whom you had never met? It is a long story; this is the short, happy version.
I learned in adolescence I was an adopted child. The circumstances were traumatic. Adopting parents, please tell your children from the beginning! The adjustments for all concerned will be easier.
At age 67 I began what I thought would be a futile quest for my birth family. My adoptive parents were long since deceased. My birth mother`s name and date and place of birth were the only items of information available.
A Lutheran social worker from Montana, the place of birth, was contacted. The prospects were slim. The time interval was too great. The quest was a good idea.
Certain health problems which involve heredity gave additional reason for the search. A year elapsed with only formal letters of progress, namely that there was no progress in the search.
An Emotional Call
In September of 1996 the call came. The report was that both the parents were deceased. Since they were not married to one another, this removed any obstacle of embarrassment. Former students and critics who have thought I was a "you-know-what" were right!
Thanks to the grace of God, she chose adoption rather than abortion. Any personal embarrassment was erased by the awareness a child is not responsible for circumstances of birth. It is the birthright of every child born to be loved.
The court had approved opening of the adoption records. After a little more sleuthing there they were: a half-brother on my birth mother`s side, three half-brothers and a half-sister on my birth father`s side and cousins too numerous to count.
There is also an aunt still living, a sister-in-law who was also a close friend and confidant of my birth mother. You can imagine their surprise when advised there was an unknown, older half-brother.
Permission for contact was granted. There were somewhat strained and formal phone conversations. Letters and birthday cards were exchanged. Pictures gave proof of family resemblance`s on both sides of the family.
June 22-24, 1997, was set aside for a family (re)union!
I had flown to California on December 31, 1996, for a meeting with the maternal half-brother. There was instant empathy. He and his wife were included in the Montana reunion plans.
As the time grew close, anxiety increased. What would you say? How do you greet blood relatives you have never met, brothers and a sister with whom you did not grow up? No need to worry!
They met us at the airport, the spouses too. There were tentative handshakes which evolved into warm hugs. There were welcome balloons.
The hospitality room at the hotel where we all stayed was decorated for a party. The meal was home-prepared with traditional, family foods.
At first I attempted, in true academic fashion, to take notes. Soon I gave that up for eyeball-to-eyeball sharing of stories, theirs and mine.
Bonding and Prayers
Over the next two days we bonded, took pictures and visited their childhood homes. There were prayers at the grave sites of my birth father and birth mother, sites in two different cities.
We sized each other up and speculated as to what might have been. We swapped notes on children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews as yet unknown.
Specialists in the old argument about nature and nurture, heredity and environment, would have profited from a study of our circumstances.
I have served 40 years as a Baptist seminary professor. The maternal half-brother is concluding a career of college teaching in California. The oldest paternal half-brother is close to retirement from his position as dean of a state university in California…three academics, the first from immigrant families to attend colleges.
Two younger brothers were in the military early in life and retired early, one from a career with a utility company, the other from a telephone company. The sister, the youngest of the six siblings, works in a bank.
All are married. Three have been married twice. All have children. There are differences, too. One is Episcopal, four are Roman Catholic. Small wonder they were curious about a Baptist seminary professor brother.
Three of the brothers are athletes, avid golfers among other sports. All spouses were present and were comfortable with one another–remarkable!
A Wonderful Work
Did it work, this curious (re)union? Wonderfully so!
There was a visit with the maternal surviving aunt and her oldest son, in whom physical likenesses were discerned.
We began at the airport with hugs accompanied with tears. We agreed we have a lot of catching up to do. We agreed we will have other reunions now that the union, the coming together, was a good first step.
I grew up assuming I was an only child. I am still processing what it means to be one of six siblings.
Darrell Adams, the folk singer, has taught us to sing, How great to be a family. And so it is!
Oh, yes. Since I teach for a living, may I draw a few lessons from this experience?
A child is not responsible for the circumstances of his/her birth.
It is the birthright of every child born to be loved.
It is important to be rooted and to know your roots in the human community
