Lessons From Shadowland
Joe E. Trull
The struggles of C. S. Lewis in Shadowland I had read about and viewed in the screen drama. I never expected to visit that land myself. Yet Job-like, it crashed in upon our family without warning. A regular exam. A suspicious shadow. A biopsy. The startling words from the physician-"You have breast cancer."
Neither Audra nor I have ever expected immunity from disease or difficulty. Yet somehow we believed cancer would never visit our home. For most of our adult life we have eaten the right foods, exercised vigorously, avoided all cancer-causing agents, and taken regular exams. None of Audra`s four older sisters or her mother had this disease.
But the tests were conclusive: aggressive invasive ductal adenocarcinoma. The months of April and May have been hectic, confusing, and often like a roller-coaster ride.
A wonderful surgeon explained with empathy and clarity Audra`s condition. We had discovered the cancer early. A lumpectomy was needed, followed by radiation. We were elated. Our daughters and a son-in-law (a physician also) stood outside the surgeon`s office hugging, crying, laughing, and praying-thanking God for the good news.
The surgery went so well-after three hours, Audra was released and she experienced no pain at all. The best news was no cancer found in the margins and none in the four lymph nodes removed. Again we were elated. In the waiting room of the Plano Presbyterian Hospital, we had another Baptist prayer and praise service.
However, a roller-coaster plunge was ahead. The pathology report discovered the tumor was larger than expected-chemotherapy was recommended. Consultation with an oncologist confirmed the need for six treatments, followed by radiation.
Although he noted, "You are cancer free," he also said, "There is a possibility of recurrence. The treatments are insurance-they will reduce the risk by about 15%."
For almost fifty years I have ministered to people experiencing grief, praying with them, consoling them, and sometimes saying, "I understand." But I really didn`t. Until Shadowland came to me, I didn`t know the depths of real grief.
I had taught and preached about Kubler-Ross`s stages of grief, explaining the progression from Denial to Anger to Bargaining to Depression to Acceptance. But it is different on the other side-and that is where I was. I found myself wandering between these different emotions, sometimes in disbelief, often feeling angry-not at God, but angry that my sweet, kind, supportive wife was going through this. I don`t believe I ever "bargained" with God for her cure, although one night I slipped out of my bed into another room, and cried my heart out to God asking for mercy and grace.
I know as one who has conducted so many funerals that we all die. And as a believer in Jesus, I know death is just a doorway into the presence of God. As a pastor and a theology teacher, I KNOW the right answers, but Shadowland is not about knowing-it`s about feeling and experiencing and not knowing. It is about life.
As strange as this may sound, I`ve told folks that my experience is much like what I`ve seen at funerals, as relatives and friends gather to remember a loved one. It is a sad occasion, but it is also a time of joy, unity, shared love, and the lessons of Shadowland, which help us rediscover life. For our family, these lessons blessed us all.
Life is brief. "A vapor," the apostle James writes, a mist in the morning that is gone by noon. No matter what your age, Shadowland is a reminder that life passes quickly. We must make the most of each day, remembering what is our purpose on this planet.
Night is coming. Kubler-Ross once asked a college audience, "How many of you are dying?" A few hands rose in the audience. "You fools," she said, "We are all dying." Yet, sometimes it takes an experience of facing death to remind us that we are mortal, that time is precious, and that we must "work while it is day, for night is coming" (Jn. 9:4).
Friends and family count. Like most of you, we have a close family and good friends. Yet in this experience, our three children and their families have supported us in ways we never knew possible. Friends have ministered in word and deed. Shadowland has reminded us that what really counts in life are not possessions, or nice homes, or financial security-what counts are family and friends and God.
God is always near. Audra and I both know God in very real ways. In Shadowland, like Job (42:5), we have experienced God intimately, face to face. And that is good.
Heaven is hope. We read about heaven, sing about heaven, and all plan to go there, but often our focus is on earth. Shadowland makes the promises and purposes of heaven more real-it gives us tremendous hope in a world filled with sin, suffering, and death.
In Pilgrim`s Progress, the hero Christian journeyed from the City of Destruction to the CelestialCity. At the end, John Bunyan recounts: "Now I further saw that betwixt them and the gate was a river; but there was no bridge to go over; and the river was very deep. At the sight, therefore, of this river the pilgrims were very much stunned. Then they addressed themselves to the water, and entering, Christian began to sink, and cried out to his good friend Hopeful, `I sink in the deep waters.` Hopeful replied: "Be of good cheer, my brother, I feel the bottom, and it is good."JET.
