Should This Marriage Continue?
By Hal Haralson, Attorney in Austin, Texas
The young woman who sat before me had called the day before to ask advice about getting a divorce.
I told her I didn`t give legal advice over the phone but would be glad to meet with her at my office. Since I don`t charge for an initial consultation we could talk and I could help her decide what to do.
This was a practice I started almost 30 years ago. It enabled the client to determine whether they wanted me to represent them. It also gave me an opportunity to decide if I wanted them as a client.
I get lots of calls wanting to know what my fee is for a certain legal problem.
Same answer. If it`s not important enough for us to sit down and talk, then I can`t help you. This is about the same as you calling and saying, "My car`s broken down. How much will it cost to fix it?"
Two things about this young woman struck me immediately suggesting this was not the usual divorce conference.
The first was the breathtaking beauty of this woman. She could have worked as a model in New York City anytime she wanted to.
The second was the cool attitude with which she began the conversation.
"Why don`t we begin with you telling me about your marriage?"
I`ve learned that most people want someone to listen to their story. Answers are important but that`s not the real purpose of most of these interviews.
After 30 years of practice I thought I had heard all the "divorce" stories.
I was wrong. I wasn`t prepared for this one. Jane [not her name] began telling her story.
"Someone told me you were a minister before you became a lawyer. I thought that might enable you to answer some of my questions. Joe [not his name] and I have been married about two years now. We took a vacation in the mountains about six months into our marriage. Sort of a second honeymoon."
"We were blissfully happy. The marriage was all we had hoped for. Both of us had good jobs and finances were no problem. We had talked about having a baby in a year or so."
"The narrow two-lane highway wound it`s way upward. The scenery was breathtaking. There was a high bluff on our right. We rounded a sharp curve and a truck hauling logs appeared to be traveling way too fast. He pulled into our lane and we had no room to maneuver. There was no space that would allow us to avoid a collision."
"Joe grabbed me and shoved me down to the floor board of our car and covered me with his body. Everything went blank."
"I woke up two days later in the intensive care room of a hospital. The doctor said I would be very sore for several weeks, but as far as he could tell, there should be no further complications."
"What about my husband?"
"What your husband did when he threw his body on yours saved your life. It almost cost him his. I`m afraid he will be paralyzed from his neck down for the rest of his life."
"He will be in a coma for several weeks. It`s impossible to know just how long. He can go home eventually, but will require constant care."
"The doctors predictions were right. My husband has been home for nearly a year. I could not have made it without the help of friends. One in particular has been especially helpful. He is Joe`s closest friend."
"These circumstances have brought Bill [not his name] and me to a point that we realize we are attracted to each other. We are both aware of this mutual attraction but have allowed nothing to happen so far. The feelings I have for Bill cause me to ask questions I have found no answers for."
"I`m only 25 years old. My whole life is ahead of me. Am I to spend it bound to a man who will never move? Never to have children? Never again to know the pleasure of a sexual relationship?"
"I know his condition is what it is because of his love for me. If he had not thrown his body on mine, I would probably be dead and he would be alive. That makes my decision worse."
"We married for better or worse and I believe that. Yet I find myself attracted to someone else."
The conversation lasted almost an hour. She talked. I listened.
I had no pat answers. I gave her the name of a therapist I thought might help her. She never returned.
I have often wondered how she finally resolved her problem. How would you have handled this situation? Are there any scriptures that would have eased her pain? Was divorce appropriate here?
This interview took place almost 30 years ago. Somewhere these two play out the drama that began on that mountain highway.
