United We Stand-In Irony

United We Stand-In Irony
By Paul J. Piccard, Professor of Political Science Emeritus
Florida State University

UNITED WE STAND

But I live in a gated community with private security guards to protect me from my fellow Americans.

But I send my children to a private school with nice classmates and I want to drain money from the public schools to provide vouchers that will subsidize my kids` tuition.

But where I worship we think that other religions are misguided if not damned to Hell and I think any religion that preaches pacifism during wartime ought to be outlawed.

But my fraternity/sorority doesn`t accept the wrong kinds of people and my country club requires new members to be sponsored by old members and approved by the membership committee.

But we`re too easy on immigrants. The original ones from northern Europe were OK but today they come from God-knows-where and they refuse to assimilate.

But I`m straight and I hate gays.

UNITED WE STAND

But I`m a "fiscal conservative" and I can`t stand those "tax and spend" liberals. I want the government to borrow and spend so I won`t have to pay for it.

But I don`t want shipments of nuclear waste hauled through my home town and I think that people living downwind from Yucca Mountain are selfish to complain about the disposal site that`s best for our country.

But as "labor" and "management" we maintain a hostile adversarial relationship, each trying to squeeze the most we can out of the other without worrying about the business owners or customers.

But as a manufacturer or doctor I want "tort reform" to keep greedy trial lawyers and juries made up of my fellow citizens from holding me liable for the injuries and deaths I cause accidentally.

But I want cheap petroleum products and I despise tree huggers and all the other environmental nuts.

UNITED WE STAND

But I always and naturally think in terms of "us" and "them;" "we" and "they."

But I don`t want my daughter or sister to marry one. Or my son or brother either for that matter.

But people who don`t support our Commander-in-Chief are unpatriotic.

UNITED WE STAND

And I fly the Stars and Stripes to prove it.

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