The View From a Padded Cell

The View From a Padded Cell
By Hal Haralson

Hal Haralson practices law in Austin. A regular contributor to Christian Ethics Today, he was recently given the John J. Keeter, Jr. Alumni Service Award for distinguished service to the University and to Christian education, the highest award Hardin-Simmons University gives to an alumnus.

The view from a padded cell?

There isn`t any.

I lay on my back on a mattress. The ceiling was padded. The walls were padded. There was no view.

My suicide attempt had failed. The gas had exploded and set fire to the house at 214 Brookview in San Antonio.

The San Antonio State Hospital would be my home for the next three months.

It was cold (December 16, 1962). I had only a mattress to cover with. I was naked. NO clothes because I was dangerous to myself.

The doctor told Judy (my wife of five years) to take Jill (age 4) and go home to be with her parents for Christmas. Judy was six months pregnant.

My depression had continued to worsen. I spent days in bed. Then I would have a manic period where I seemed invincible. Judy had put up with this for nearly a year.

My mind raced. What would happen to my wife and child? What would people think of my failure after 10 years in the ministry? I had been Pastor of two churches. What would those people think?

My education had all been for the ministry. I had graduated with a 3.6 grade point average and been President of the student body my senior year at Hardin-Simmons University.

I had never failed at anything in my life until now. I wanted out of the ministry. God called me to preach 10 years ago. How do I deal with that now?

After six weeks and 13 shock treatments, the psychiatrist said if I didn`t leave the ministry he felt I would attempt suicide again or spend years in the state hospital.

I knew this was not what God wanted for me. I made the decision to leave the ministry and was released from the hospital 5 days before our second child (Brad) was born.

I had my ordination revoked. The next six years were spent in the business world as the Personnel Director for a corporation with 600 employees. Then, real estate. Finally, I was the business manager for two doctors including administrator of a 35-bed hospital and clinic, management of ranching operations and a nursing home, and handling all their personal business.

My mental illness was diagnosed as manic-depressive (later as bi polar) and would be a part of my life as long as I lived.

There were other hospitalizations over the years when depression would reoccur. They were shorter (one to two weeks) because I was on medication and had a relationship with a good doctor.

In 1968, at age 33, I sold out to the doctors. I looked for a profession to enter where my mental illness would not be a handicap. I decided to go to law school. With a wife and three small children, I had to move quickly.

I did not know at the time how unusual it was to be admitted to The University of Texas School of Law in the fall of 1968 without having taken the LSAT and based on an application that was less than one week old.

I determined that law school would not rule my life. I would not be an absentee husband and father for three years. My family was my first priority.

I made a rule that I would go to law school from 8:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. There would be no studying at night or on weekends except during finals. It worked!

We camped out as a family. There were hunting and fishing excursions. Three years passed quickly and, at the age of 37, I received my law degree from The University of Texas School of Law.

No one wanted to hire an "old man" right out of law school, so I hung out a shingle in Austin, Texas as a solo practitioner in general practice.

My practice grew so fast that in six months I became depressed again. I was overwhelmed with the number of clients and the work load. I closed the office.

I referred out all my clients and did not practice for six months. There was no income. We had thought depression was a thing of the past since it had been five years since the last one.

I began again. This time, I determined to practice law the way I attended law school.

No late hours. No weekends. My own priorities of family, church, and service in the community came first.

The law practice has continued for twenty six years in Austin. Judy went to graduate School at The University of Texas at age 40 and has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 20 years. We have been married for 41 years.

Jill is a social worker in Kerrville. Brad practices law in San Angelo. David spent 5 years as a nuclear officer in the Navy and now works for Applied Materials in Austin, Texas.

We have been actively involved in our church, in the mental health movement and with Hardin-Simmons University (our alma mater).

How did this happen? After the devastation of the suicide attempt and diagnosis as a manic depressive, how have I functioned successfully as an attorney for 26 years?

Here are some of the things that have contributed to my life being what it is at the age of 63.

Keep family in first place. Spend time with the children. Plan special time alone with your spouse. This time is sacred. Do not let the practice of law invade it.
Keep a place for faith in God and involvement in church. You cannot do it alone.
Don`t let the practice of law run your life. You can always put in more billable hours or make more money. What`s the point if it is at the cost of family, health, and happiness?
Give something back to the world in which you live through service to others.
Hunt, fish, fly airplanes, golf. Do something that you really enjoy and do it often.
Have one or two close friends who aren`t lawyers.
Exercise. I walk four miles daily after work. I do this four days per week and it is a very positive outlet mentally and physically. Your exercise may be jogging, swimming, golf. Just do it.
Have a good doctor and see him/her at least annually. If you are on medication, do not alter the amount without consulting your physician. I have been on lithium for 23 years.
Life brings difficulties. These experiences can be used to help people who are going through the same or similar difficulty. Be thankful you have the "gift" of experience to share with others.
Be considerate and sensitive to the feelings of those around you. Clerks, taxi drivers, secretaries, law clerks. Even judges and other lawyers.
Live your life so that when you awaken each morning, you can be thankful for a new day…and that your bedroom is not a padded cell.

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